I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
