sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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