Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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