she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
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