the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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