I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
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