My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
