Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
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