You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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