My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
he quoted the bible to break up with me
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
