i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
Randomize
