My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
