Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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