see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
