it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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