i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Randomize
