This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
he was CRYING into my vagina
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Randomize
