Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
