I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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