1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
