Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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