too bad you live with your parents still
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
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