Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
