dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
