he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
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