conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Randomize
