God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
