other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
