I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Randomize
