She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
