I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
