Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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