she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize