sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
