I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
