Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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