Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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