Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
