shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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