there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
