Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
