I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
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