Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
