I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
false alarm. still invincible.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
