I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
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