There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
