Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
