OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
