Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
