Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
