hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
