hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
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