I need to stop coming to work sober
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Someone shattered a urinal.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
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