All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Randomize
