You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
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