The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
You need a sexual gate keeper
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
