Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
