Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
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