This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
