Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
