I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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