Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
