I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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