why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Randomize
