my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
