Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
