who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize