All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
