just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
