i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
