and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
two words...techno handjob
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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