We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize
