I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
