your room smells of hookers.
And success
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
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