Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
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