I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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